Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Fashion vs Law

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Yes. It has always been my heart. It has always been a hobby and lifestyle. But now, I want to take further step and learn more about it. My brother mentioned once, when I showed him my prototypes, that he can 'fund' my dream in the future, and hope to get profit from it of course. I already told my mother that after I graduate from college, I'd start taking fashion designing courses from F.I.P. But what about my law school plans?

Can I not do them both? I asked myself. However, I think my father would really want me to be in law school, since he was a law student himself.

So what's the plan? Since I have always wanted (have always been) to be independent and support the things I wanted to do/to have for myself, I'd say saving for it! Haha, since I wouldn't want to put another burden with regard to expenses again. :p

LOL. Ok, these are pretty much my plans. I am really hoping to get into it, and yes I will do.

Success often comes to those who dare and act; it seldom goes to the timid who are afraid of the consequences.

Monday, October 19, 2009

On the same street

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(My sister's article that she submitted to PDI)
Youngblood, Philippine Daily Inquirer
By Janice Cambri San Jose
First Posted 03:53:00 07/26/2007


A police officer for a father and a militant activist for a daughter -- “What a great irony!” people would often remark about us. Most people probably think the only thing we have in common is our DNA make-up. However, we have an unusual bond that is far stronger than any blood relationship: our principles.

Daddy has always been simple, silent and serious. He has the looks and bearing of a military officer: clean haircut, snappy posture, no vices, and cordial conduct. He is a bit antisocial, but remains civil with everyone, including those he despises. He prefers to read the newspapers or watch the news while sipping his coffee to chatting with the neighbors. He has never been inordinately conscious about being an officer of the law and never has he bragged about his position.

His idea of fun is limited to family celebrations and playtime for him is almost non-existent. When we were young, our mantra was “study, study and study.” On school days, the TV set would be locked in the closet and we only got to watch it from Friday night to Saturday night. He insisted that we take our studies seriously.

Most of his expectations were impossible. But I never took it against him. After all, we did not have to plow the field and we never had to swim rivers or walk barefoot for several kilometers to go to school, with only a banana or camote for snacks. Which was what he did in his youth.

Who can blame Daddy? He was a poor farmer’s son who had to work his way through college, taking janitorial jobs. He graduated cum laude from law school and became an officer in the Philippine National Police. And he would never let us forget about it, saying: “Ako, anak lang ng magsasaka, nakatapos ako. Kayo, anak kayo ng opisyal, dapat mas malayo marating 'nyo." ["I was a farmer’s son, and yet I was able to finish college. You are children of a police officer, so you should be even more successful.”]

Despite his meager salary, he enrolled us in a small-town private school. He called it a very good investment. “It doesn’t matter if we would be reduced to licking salt, as long as you have a good education,” he told us. “That is the only thing I can leave you, so you better study hard.”

I bled from his cruel words whenever I fell short of his expectations, but I always knew he had the best intentions so I did my best to excel in my academics.

Another treasure that Daddy passed on to us, which is much more priceless than our education, is integrity. At a time the credibility of the Armed Forces of the Philippines and the Philippine National Police has been tarnished by so many cases of ill-gotten wealth, graft and corruption, organized crime, human rights violations, and electoral fraud, Daddy was one of the few good men who withstood the temptations of greed and power. While many generals have their mansions, we continue to live in our small bungalow. While many of his colleagues drove SUVs and kept several cars in the garage, Dad who spent 32 years in the service, used only a worn-out, assembled jeep of the kind that you see in old Filipino movies. It was only after his retirement, when he got his benefits, that he was able to buy his first brand-new vehicle.

During hard times, we were fed like we were in a military barracks, with food being measured and distributed equally among us. There were times when my brothers and I had to settle for soy sauce and calamansi with rice because we were still hungry. I learned to drink six cups of coffee a day to pacify my grumbling tummy. Most of our books and uniforms were hand-me-downs. In college, I would sometimes eat fish ball, or banana cue, or "taho" for lunch because my food allowance went into photocopying our lessons.

I often wondered why we were so impoverished while some of the kids I knew and whose fathers were lower-ranked police officers enjoyed affluent lifestyles. Dad never took home anything grand -- just packs of "bukayo" and small jars of "belekoy." They were "pasalubong" [arrival tokens] from his subordinates returning from vacation in the provinces. My Dad said he did not want to feed us with dirty money. We may be poor but we would keep our dignity intact. He was afraid of karma.

At 19, I came to understand what he had been saying when I joined the militant group Anakbayan. Although we had somewhat conflicting ideologies, he never stopped me from pursuing my crusade of serving the people in a framework different from his. Up to now, he does not have anything against the movement. He recognizes the truths in our advocacies. He, himself, has experienced injustice and witnessed irregularities in the armed services and the government.

We would often discuss politics, and dispassionate debates became a normal happening at home. But our ideas clashed, and during rallies, we became foes.

I remember one strike at Manila Hotel in 2000, where I joined the picket line of the oppressed workers together with other activists. He stayed behind the police unit where he acted as one of the ground commanders, while I linked arms with the protesters. He never told anyone I was among the militants, not even the cops who would soon use their truncheons to disperse us. I never pointed to him as my dad either. It was a silent pact between us. We would exchange brief looks, then go on with what we had to do.

After every mobilization, he would be relieved to see me unharmed. It must have been terribly painful for a parent like him to anxiously wait for his child to be home safe and in one piece, while knowing what his colleagues were capable of doing to militants like me.

But despite all of this, he never asked me to abandon the movement. Unlike other fathers who would ground, threaten, lock up, or beat up their activist kids to stop them from pursuing their cause, Dad just let me be. And I will always be grateful to him for that.

Dad is retired now, while I remain an activist. He has his own legacy, and I am proud of him. We both love our country and this principle has been the bond that binds us, transcending age, social roles and family trees.

Daddy and I stood on opposite sides of the street, and we looked like foes in the eyes of many. However, we are on the same street. The real adversary is on another.

Janice Cambri San Jose, 27, is completing her MA thesis at the University of the Philippines in Diliman, Quezon City.

Up!

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I'm really a happy person who loves to jump, but I wish I was a little taller. :)

Breakdown

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I'd like to believe you but I don't know how anymore.
Things have been too much for me to understand.

Attempt (Repost)

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...and there i go, running out of words to say again. But then I’ll try.
and here i sit and sometimes lie down trying to make myself feel better of all the facades that are going through my head.
I’m a writer but it’s not an overflowing spontaneous emotion. It’s just boredom and crazy things goin’ on in this tiny stupid brain of mine and propelling unexplainable despise and vexation with everything I feel so uncertain with.

An attempt to balance. An attempt to retain self-composure and an attempt to smile in whatever mess I put myself in or rather by someone or something else.
At day, it makes me feel so ecstatic, but the night shows the imperfection, it shows the truth; that it’s not yet. That I am still on the same cold spot I have been standing on for all my life. But I am trying my best to leap a little farther. Further.

It’s a trouble for my head because when I realize something, it makes me fall back. It makes me hesitant. So I crumble over and over again.

An attempt to understand these idiosyncratic brimming insecurities. A cautious move that I make everyday.. A silhouette of confusion. A war of trust and doubt. I stand somewhere in the middle and still trying to fathom which detour I should take.

And here I am. Attempting to comprehend my melancholic sensation. Attempting to seclude myself for I know not how to handle when it gets further.

It’s tearin’ me like hell.

Washroom dilemma

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That Friday was not one of my usual TGIF's. I got home from school, so tired when my mom scolded me for some reason I don't want to discuss. It got me so pissed off because I was hoping for a good nap but I just got her usual nagging again. Then

"blaggg!" I walked out the house.

I almost got into an accident before I realized that I was already far from the house. I walked around Global City (just walking distance from home), just with my wallet, phone (waiting for that someone to drop me a message but didn't), my coat, my tired feet and blank mind.

Getting depressed really makes me eat a lot, so I decided to order a lot when I stopped by a fast food and ate. And here it goes,

...before eating, I went to the restroom to wash my hands. I entered the first door in that small corridor where I saw the restroom sign above. I was almost at the end of my washing 'activity' when I saw someone , a MAN, on the mirror, looking at me with an 'I dont know what kind of face is that' but I think that face was rather 'hey what is she doing here?'

I blurted "Oh my god" after realizing that it was a male on that sign posted on the door. Then another man, zipping his pants (yes) appeared on my face, shocked (obviously).

I just closed my eyes while leaving that restroom LOL I don't know what happened really. I didn't blame myself for how stupid I was instead ranted why MALE restrooms always come first in many public places. haha *feminist much*

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Newbie

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So after all my work for the sem, I've decided to finish my new layout :)